I lost my A$$

I always had an ass. I mean a beautiful plumptious ass from my young age. I fall easily under the curvy body type. However, I was unaware of my ass until the last 5 years. After the rise of Nicki Minaj and the Kardashians and being exposed to curvy ass everywhere, I slowly learnt that I had a nice ass too. You bet I took good care of it after that day. I squatted and my ass grew. I ate and it grew more. Everything I did made me curvier. I received compliments left and right. Men loved it and women adored my look. Everyone was very motivating. My ass was receiving more than all the positive energy it required. Once, my mom asked me about its volume as it is not common in Asian culture to have a big butt. I told her about my goal to be an Asian Nicki and we both laughed on it. Was it compliments from people around me, personally I do not know? Nonetheless, my body confidence was increasing. I felt sexy and beautiful.

All these were emotional factors; confidence, sexiness, good-looking. Emotionally, I felt so good about myself. I never felt this confident ever. I was eating and working out and it all made me feel great and look awesome. You can find many ways to grow one’s ass. I knew of two based on my experience; squats and eating well. I was doing both. I thought my health was doing good. Simultaneously, my weight was increasing with my ass but I thought those were muscles. I learnt that weight can increase after doing weights and I had started adding weights during my workout. The thing about being emotionally happy with your body is cunning. If you are so happy and satisfied, you listen to no criticism from anyone. Not even the family doctor who constantly tells you to lose weight because you are overweight. You ignore your mother’s suggestion to maintain a healthy weight. The ass and my body positivity journey were sailing smoothly for years until one day I, myself realized that I was obese. 

Moving forward, I started losing weight. My ass is no longer the size it was. It is smaller. Along my weight-loss journey, as my ass decreased, I was losing my body confidence too. I was losing one thing that made me feel desirable. Before I could see my curvy body easily in all my dresses and now, I had to move into a certain position to enhance it. As I was not feeling that great, I often asked my partner if I was losing my ass or to say my asset forever. He constantly said that I looked great and I was doing great. I was scared because this journey was new to me and I did not know what was waiting on the other side. 

When you start losing weight, you learn that you lose fats in all parts of your body. You cannot control where you want to lose and where you want to keep them. It’s 100% true. There is no fat transferring magic unless you go under needles. I wanted to keep the same big ass with new smaller thighs as the celebrities did. However, life had something else planned for me. While I started losing weight, after my inner thighs lost their share, it was my ass turn. Imagine the horror I was feeling. I couldn’t see a change in any other parts of my body except my big ass turning into a smaller ass and my curve turning into a straight line. This a critical phase to be during the weight-loss journey. I had the same body almost without my best features. There were days when I wanted to give up this new journey. I thought I was doing something wrong. The results were not matching my expectations. I was not feeling sexy and I no longer felt that I belonged to the curvy group. Farewell to Nicki and Kardashians. 

Fast-forwarding to today, I am curvy again. Other parts of my body have lost its shares with time and effort, and I happily fall into the curvy category again. It was not an easy path but today I feel good. I am emotionally and physically happy. I am no longer obese and I fall in the lower overweight BMI range. I still have some kilos to shed to be in the healthy range and I am excited to work on it. I never trusted BMI charts before and even now, I do not fully depend on it to check on my health but I definitely use it as a reference. 

In life, it is important to maintain balance on how you feel about your body and what is good for your body. It is the best thing to feel emotionally happy about your body. Not everyone, who is even healthy, feels good about themselves. Therefore let’s feel happier by taking care of our body. Give some thoughts to what your doctors and family tell you. Your doctor has spent  6-7 years of their life studying medicine and your parents have lived more than you experiencing numerous body and weight journeys. When they say something is not right for your body, let’s give some thoughts to it and do some research to make a decision for yourself.

Author: ang_pemay

I have stories and thoughts to update you through some of my words. Keep reading because you may have the similar tale to share with me.

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